Groveling didn’t help Kinsmen President Al Buxton when he appeared before Judge Gord “Hang ‘em High and Often” Hay.
“Come on, I’ll pay a $250 fine,” Buxton pleaded, while wearing a convict-like striped shirt.
But Judge Hay, who typically serves as an sergeant with Campbell River RCMP, appeared judicially indifferent as he reviewed Buxton’s record in the Crime Stoppers annual Jail and Bail fundraiser.
“H’mm, looks like you paid a $250 fine the last time you were here,” said Hay, as Buxton’s face fell. “It doesn’t look like you learned your lesson.”
Despite a lack of proper legal representation – although defence lawyer James Hormoth was seated nearby in shorts and a summer shirt – Buxton continued to plead his case as he handed over a letter of explanation:
The bearer of this letter comes before you in shame as the treasurer of the Campbell River Kinsmen has abandoned him and refuses to pay the fine.
Being that I have no friends and no means to raise capital for the offence, I throw myself upon the mercy of the court and ask for leniency (insert sad kitty or puppy dog eyes here).
“I’m well prepared to plead my case if it helps and if gets our club treasurer thrown in jail as well...
Yours humbly,
Allan Buxton,
President,
Campbell River Kinsmen.
But Hangin’ Judge Hay wasn’t impressed.
“You’re fined $350,” Hay ruled with a bang of his gavel.
Quietly – which is highly unusual for the Kinsmen prez – Buxton was led away to the makeshift plastic pipe jail cell set up at Spirit Square for the May 17 Jail and Bail.
In the end, he came through with his bail as did many others who helped raise more than $10,000. The money will be used by Crime Stoppers for its programs and to pay for anonymous tips that lead to arrests.
“Thanks to all the ‘detainees,’ their donors and the volunteers who helped make this event happen,” said director Iain McClymont. “Campbell River Crime Stoppers now has its funding in place for the year and can now concentrate on the job of putting the real criminals behind bars.”
All things considered, Buxton got off easy compared to local Crime Stoppers President Judy Shepley. She too was arrested, but her bail was much, much more.
However, she managed to come up with $1,000, thanks to her co-workers and Vancouver Island Insurance Centres.
The most lucrative detainee was Cyriel DeBruyne, manager of the local Quality Foods store, who raised more than $1,500.
Coming in at $500 or more were Jason Hartley, the city’s capital works manager, Amanda Raleigh from Seymour Pacific Developments Ltd., and Rod MacLean form Tyee Chevrolet, Buick, GMC.
As for Buxton, while he rotted in jail, fellow Kinsmen cooked up burgers and foot-long hot dogs which they sold, raising approximately $800 for Crime Stoppers.