As I write this, a million different thoughts and emotions are racing through my mind.
In just three short days I will be on maternity leave and in less than two months, my life will be completely changed and the world as I know it, turned on its head.
At least that’s what I’m imagining.
My husband and I are expecting our first child and I confess, that’s about all I really know how to expect these days.
I’m a mix of emotions.
Fear that I’ll have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to parenting and that I’ll lack the patience necessary to deal with a child.
Worry that somehow I’ll mess up and I’ll fail to read enough books to the baby to encourage brain development or that I won’t know when and how often to feed the baby.
There’s so much pressure on new parents and so many things to remember when it comes to your baby’s growth and development that it can be a bit overwhelming.
Then of course there’s the excitement of bringing a new life into the world and the joy of having our quiet home filled with the sound of a child’s laughter and the pitter-patter of little feet – and the occasional tears and shrieks.
But then my brain flips back to the other, not-so-pleasant side of things.
I have to actually deliver this baby and I admit, it’s incredibly nerve-wracking. You hear the horror stories from friends and just pray that it won’t happen to you but I’m not ruling anything out.
I want to be prepared for everything and anything, yet at the same time I wonder if I’m really better off just not knowing and being left in the dark until the time comes.
If only there was a way to hit the fast-forward button.
I am trying, though, to embrace the short time I have left without the responsibilities of motherhood.
I know it will be a long road – you never stop worrying about your child, no matter how old they get and all you really want is for your child to grow up to be a happy, kind and decent human being.
That’s how I’ll know I’ve done my job.
But that’s still a ways down the road.
For now I’m focusing on making sure I’ll have enough diapers stock-piled, an adequate amount of clothes that will fit and enough food stocked up that I won’t have to venture out too often in the early days.
And of course I’m excited to have someone call me ‘Mom’, to have a little baby to sing to, to read all of those children’s books that I enjoyed having my own mom read to me, to hear the baby’s first words and witness its first steps.
But above all, I can’t wait to meet the life that’s been growing inside me for the past eight months.
@CRMirror
kristend@campbellrivermirror.com
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